8.09.2006

i know i am lucky...

i have a good baby and a good husband, i have a job, a car, an education and a good head on my shoulders. some are not so lucky. i encounter many people like this on a daily basis and for anyone who really knows me, you know this is the toughest part of my job. sure i am a cynical and sarcastic girl most of the time, quick to judge and point finger, but honestly i have the biggest, most sympathetic heart in the world. it hurts me to see people doing so poorly and living such hard lives. if you think that this is unlike me to say these thing, well then you dont know me at all.
the hardest thing for me to deal with is teen moms. sure there are plenty of women who get pregnant too early and end up in great situation and ahead of the game. in the demographics that i deal with, this is rarely the case.
very early in my pregnancy i encountered a girl who had just found out she was pregnant, she was 17, on probation and in a bad relationship. i remember calling my mom that day on the way home from work totally distraught. the first thing my mom asked me was, i bet you wanted to take her home with you. and i did. i just wanted to take care of her, tell her what to eat, how much to sleep and to take it easy. i wanted to take her out of the life she knew and put her into my own. of course we all know this wasnt possible, but it killed to me see this girl, that i had gotten to know so well, in such a bad situation. in the end this girl had an abortion. not because she wanted to, but because her no good boyfriend would have left her if she didnt.
two days ago there was another young girl here with her 7 month old baby. she seemed frantic and bewildered. i was talking to her about her baby, relating my experiences about bela with her. this little boy was just about the cutest little guy i had ever seen. very alert and smiley, but he didnt make a peep. you cant keep my little bean quiet, she is just like her mama. also this little boy, at 7 months, could barely hold up his own head. it made me wonder, could this type of delay be attributed to lack of parenting skills, or could be just be behind? i know all babies are different and hit their milestones at different time, i know this, but this seemed to be something else. i just sat at my desk watching the two of them together. i made me feel so bad. this girl of 16, i am sure she didnt plan this, i am sure she never thought it would happen to her, but there she was alone, unsure and with a baby. i wanted to just sit with her and tell her all i knew, all i had learned. i wanted to help her, but what could i do?
so all in all, i still feel like shit. i feel bad every time a teen girl comes in pregnant or with a baby. maybe this is too judgmental of me, maybe i shouldnt assume that they are unhappy or unprepared, but in my experience, 9 time out of 10 that is the case. i could go on and on with stories like this, but i am not sure my heart can take retelling them.
i just want to say thank you everyone in my "support system", i love you all and i couldnt do this without you.

1 comment:

kgb said...

Even us grown up mommies find ourselves bewildered from time to time. What makes us theoretically different than the younger versions is that we are percieved to have developed better support systems - both internally and externally. You probably have the best support system of anyone I know, which is why you are strong enough to try and help others! And I'm proud of you. I admire you, your strength, your ability to determine what is important to you, your great big heart and your determination. I miss you terribly and can't wait to make you a part of my close-enough to afford the phone call support system... Which shhh (can't blog about it myself yet cause some people can't know yet) is gonna be soon! Steve and I are applying for his green card this week, when it comes, we put the house on the market, and when that sells & the money clears - we move... Lets say that I expect to be home by next easter at the latest...